Why Do People Ghost? The Psychology Behind Your Scariest Habit.
Alrighttttt Team!
Well, grab your emotional support beverage because I have news that might hurt: If 95% of people have been ghosted, that means (... checks math..). oh no. It turns out that …
Before you protest with "Not me! I would NEVER!"—let me tell you about my friend Sarah who just realized she's been AWOL on a networking connection for three weeks because she "forgot" to respond.
Sarah, honey, you didn't forget. You (may have) ghosted.
Welcome to the invisible club nobody wants to admit they're in…
In our latest episode of "Your Brain, Explained" on YouTube, I dive deep into why perfectly decent humans (like all of us) suddenly develop selective communication amnesia. My niece loves Hint water because it’s got just a hint of flavor. I tried it last night and like the idea more than the beverage. But let me give you a hint of what’s in the video… Your brain is the villain here:
Why Freud's "pleasure principle" makes you vanish faster than free samples at Costco
The backwards empathy paradox (why ghosters think they're being KIND???)
How cognitive dissonance turns us into Olympic-level mental gymnastics
The shame spiral that makes "I'll respond tomorrow" turn into "I’m sorry it's been 84 years"
Here's the thing: Understanding why we ghost doesn't make it okay. It's like understanding why you eat a chocolate chip cookie at 2 AM every day (I did this at the age of 26 for a full 4 months)—knowledge doesn't equal permission.
So I have included the 5 things to do instead of ghosting that include templates and training wheels for:
Career moments
Dating and relationships
When you've ALREADY ghosted and it’s been awhile
Is ghostbusting awkward?
Yes.
Is it better than making someone check their phone 47 times wondering if you died?
Also yes.
Most importantly, every time you choose a difficult conversation over ghosting, you're doing bicep curls for your mind, specifically in the region called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (aMCC). The aMCC enlarges whenever you attempt to do hard things you don't want to do. Being a principled Ghostbuster also means you are training to have six-packed willpower, you will summon courage to do other things you procrastinate to do, and feel better about…everything. “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off” said the ever-famous Gloria Steinem.
Check out the full episode to see me have multiple realizations about my own ghosting habits while trying to seem professional.