I Got Ghosted. What is it? And What to do about it!
Prefer watching over reading? Video here
Remember when ghosting was something that Casper the Friendly Ghost did and Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd tried to stop (reference to 1984 Ghostbusters film about 3 parapsychologists)?
Yeah, me too. NOW!?!?!
Ghosting is a psychological phenomenon that 95% of us have experienced in job searches, dating, and beyond.
And it hurts, 100% of the time. Yet people who’s doing it, just keep doing it. Why? You might be in for a big surprise!
A few weeks ago, I got ghosted by a potential client after six calls, a free assessment, and approximately 32 versions of the same proposal (okay, it was 6, but it FELT like 32). And you know what? It still stung like a bee wearing brass knuckles.
If you are the 5% of people out there who have not been ghosted, it is when someone stops talking, responding, or writing to you without any notice. They just disappear!
For most: When this happens, they might cry.
For me? I cried (jk) then…. I hit the books to try to figure out why Ghosting sucks so bad.
Which brings me to some exciting news...
Introducing "Your Brain, Explained"
After fielding approximately 8,817 questions over the past 5+ years about why our brains do the weird things they do, I finally caved and embarrassingly started a new YouTube series…
Because apparently, writing newsletters wasn't enough to share my poor grammar and insane thoughts with strangers on the internet?!
My first episode: "The Psychology Behind Ghosting"—where I dive deep into why being left on “read” by a recruiter feels worse than actual rejection (hint: your brain literally can't stop thinking about unfinished business).
Here's what we cover:
Why 77% of job seekers have been ghosted (and why Ontario is making it illegal!)
How ghosting triggers the Zeigarnik effect—aka why your brain turns into Sherlock Holmes when someone disappears—and a perfect storm of cognitive distortions that make you feel like garbage
We've created this bizarre ghosting ouroboros* where everyone disappears on everyone. It's like a really horrific game of professional hide-and-seek where nobody wins.
What you can ACTUALLY do about it (besides refreshing your email 32 times)
Your Mission (Should You Choose to Accept It)
Watch the video here and let me know what you think (all feedback is appreciated)... I keep reminding myself: it’s only up from here people 😬😎. Feel free to reply here with thoughts or use the newsletter feedback forms below if you’re looking to be anonymous.
Send me your burning psychology questions here. For example: Why is it so damn hard to kindly tell the waitress that you asked for no cilantro, but have no problem telling your bff?
The Bottom Line
Whether it's that recruiter who vanished after your "amazing" final interview, or that conference contact who promised coffee and delivered crickets, or a potential Wednesday night date who day-of went silent, ghosting sucks. But understanding WHY it sucks, mixed with a few tactical tips, can help you stop spiraling and move past these invisible moments of misery. SO … please….