How to Silence Negative Self-Talk and Start Building What Matters
For all those building, making, or attempting to create out there… It’s hard.
Especially when you’re doing things for the first time.
Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. When trying to do something new (artistic, written, expressive) or important (starting a family, changing jobs, etc.) it can evoke exciting thoughts (“this is so fun, I can’t believe this is happening”) but also difficult ones (“what if it doesn’t work?” and “this doesn’t look good”).
The ongoing, non-stop thoughts — or “Chatter” — in these cases can be LOUD.
Why? Our brain is wired for comfort, coloring in the lines, perfection, and doing the “right” thing. It’s those heuristics and thinking traps we often mention that can perpetuate much of this mind swirl.
This means that while external judgment from your friends, neighbors, and parents may make things hard… so do your thoughts.
In his book “Chatter”, Dr. Ethan Kross talks about this concept of negative self-talk:
“When our chatter is buzzing, it drains us of the neural resources we need to focus, get distance, and regain control of our inner voice. Yet distanced self-talk sidesteps this conundrum. It is high on results and low on effort.”
“Our inner voice (chatter) can be both a liability and an asset. The words streaming through our heads can unravel us, but they can also drive us toward meaningful accomplishments…if we know how to control them.”
We also love Stephen King’s tactical advice in his incredible (dare we say life-changing) book ‘On Writing’ for understanding and managing Chatter. While it’s about writing - lol - it’s a perfect book about making, creating, or doing hard things:
“The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better.” → The hardest part is often at the beginning
“Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe.” → The importance of small steps at the beginning
“Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open.” → The need for privacy when initially beginning
“Whenever I see a first novel dedicated to a wife (or a husband), I smile and think, There's someone who knows. Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don't have to make speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” → The need for support …always
Making something new requires skill — sure. But it also takes the right mindset. It's like what entrepreneur and author James Clear, known for his work on habits, emphasizes: "Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become." This powerful idea reminds us that every step, even the smallest one in our creative journey, shapes our identity and builds momentum (Clear, 2018).
Another fantastic perspective comes from creativity expert and author Elizabeth Gilbert, who famously explores the concept of "Big Magic" in her work. She encourages us to approach creative pursuits with curiosity and courage rather than fear or perfectionism, reminding us that the act of creating itself is a reward, regardless of the outcome (Gilbert, 2015). Her playful and empowering approach totally aligns with breaking free from that overwhelming inner "Chatter"!
So how do you quiet the chatter, keep moving forward, and actually build what matters — especially when your brain feels like it’s working against you? Below are a few simple but powerful strategies drawn from Dr. Cross and general research. These aren’t magic fixes, but they are real tools to help you stay grounded, focused, and in motion when self-doubt gets loud.
6 key ways to manage that pesky mental “Chatter” in your head:
Acknowledge the Difficulty: Doing something new or building from scratch is genuinely tough! It's okay for exciting thoughts to mingle with worries.
Understand "Chatter": That loud, internal monologue of doubt and negative self-talk is your brain's natural wiring for comfort and perfection kicking in.
Distance Yourself from Chatter: Consciously stepping back from your inner voice (using phrases like "Why am I feeling this way?" instead of "Why am I so anxious?") can reduce its power and save mental energy.
Embrace Small Steps: Focus on tiny, manageable actions. The hardest part is starting; after that, momentum builds naturally.
Protect Your Creative Space: Give yourself privacy when you're just starting out ("write with the door closed"). Perfectionism can derail initial progress.
Seek Support: Having someone who believes in you, even silently, makes a huge difference. Don't underestimate the power of quiet encouragement.
We are here to help you with that Chatter by giving you the plan and support to create new thought patterns for positive thinking. Don’t worry - we did the research so you don’t have to.
Keep (or start!) making, building, creating, and doing - you got this. But don’t forget to take care of that mindset. We’re here to help!