Survival Mode vs. Thriving: How to Take Back Control of Your Mind
Last Sunday, my husband and I were doing our usual Philly-to-South Carolina sprint to get back in time for his company holiday party (that I helped plan—ooolala)!
We woke up to discover it was snowing. But not the cute kind of snowing…the shut-er-down-and-cancel-plans kind of snow. There was 6+ inches of "maybe we should've left yesterday" snow that hadn’t been cleared on the road.
Our scheduled Uber got stuck on his way to pick us up.
Bless him—he had 2-wheel drive. (For those keeping score: That's the WRONG number for this situation.)
We got in the car and within 2 minutes of driving, the car got stuck AGAIN.
He tried another route and suddenly we slid—HORIZONTALLY—down a two-lane road like we were in Fast & the Furious 4…except way less intentional, way less control, and significantly more panic-sweating.
And our driver? Deep breaths. Steady hands. Somehow steered us onto a cleared patch of the road.
When we thanked him—genuinely in awe of this man's composure—he turned around and said:
"We’re all just trying to survive."
Powerful, no?
It got me thinking: Your brain is wired for survival.
You've heard me say it a million times: your brain is a pattern-maker and repeater. It scans constantly for patterns we recognize as threats—the hard, the bad, the scary news stories, the sounds, and even the smells that may hurt our chances of survival.
And this year? This holiday season? There have been plenty of threats that your brain has identified. Plus you’re probably tired, which means you’re paying even more attention to these worries (another feature of our brain!).
But here's what I want to remind you:
Yes, it’s important to be informed. To acknowledge what is happening in the world, in your world; the hurt, fear, and sadness. To pay attention because these things do really matter.
Again, you are wired to survive.
BUT as a human, you were also given the gift—the unique, biological, miraculous gift—to thrive (cheesy, but true).
And thriving doesn't mean ignoring what's hard or pretending everything's fine. It means recognizing that while you can't control the threats, the news cycles, or a drive to the airport—you CAN control where you direct your attention during this holiday season. In other words:
“You can choose which emotions you engage with.”
In fact, while other animals have feelings (hello golden retreiver), humans are the only mammals that can:
Consciously choose which emotions deserve your attention
Regulate emotions through metacognition (thinking about our thinking)
Reflect on our emotional state and intentionally shift it
It’s the end of the year, so it’s a great time to practice these spicy lil’ gifts! Pay attention to which thoughts are helpful. Choose which emotions to engage with. Shift your mindset if the things you’re feeling or thinking aren’t serving your goals.
If you’re like, how the WOAH DOGGY….how do I do that? You can:
Set an emotional goal: Check out this emotion wheel and set some goals around a feeling you’d like to feel more in the last few days of 2025 and beginning of 2026. Fun fact: there are more “negative” descriptors than positive ones in most wheels (researchers think this may also contribute to why you may also think more negative thoughts… because we have more vocabulary for it).
Change your state: by listening to new music, changing up what you’re wearing, taking a vacation, buying a new signature scent, moving your body (exercise, walking, getting your heart rate up), say thank you to someone, driving a new way to the grocery store, learn how to play Rummikub…in other words… breaking your patterns so you can change your thoughts and feelings more easily!
Stay tuned: Make sure to tune into our January kickoff newsletter for a new tool you can use to shift the way you’re feeling or thinking … fast.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with this question:
How might you feel, think, or do a little differently in the next 9 days
to make sure you’re thriving this holiday season?
Because that driver was right. We are all trying to survive.
But you? You’re a “better-every-dayer”… so do a little something today, and this season, to do more than stay alive (aka thrive… okay, this rhyme is in overdrive).
*Unless you are going through a particularly hard time, a mental health episode, or suffer from a clinical mental health diagnosis. In which case, feel free to reach out and I’ll be happy to help you find the right support. I’m here for you!
