The Skier’s Dilemma.

mental fitnesswellnessbehaviormindsetself-improvement

Sep 15

Every year, I go skiing with a group of friends. This is my only ski trip of the year, so it can get dramatic. This year, in the midst of ogling breathtaking views, inventing impromptu, murder-mystery parlor games, and enjoying crispy bacon, there was a Mental Fitness experience that struck me as important to share. This one will help you determine what to do the next time you’re in one of those tough, confidence-breaking, moments of mental weakness. Plus, it’s a story of imperfection and doing the work….a.k.a pure humanity. Exciting no?

I’ll call this one “The Skier’s Dilemma.”

First some context: I’m a very mediocre skier. I can toss myself down a hill on those aerodynamically-adjusted-metal-french-fries, but it ain’t pretty, graceful, or in any way magnificent. As an adult, I’ve found myself on trips, much like this one, with groups of people who look straight out of a Ralph Lauren catalogue from their delightfully matching outfits, to their perfect parallel skis, who end the day with untrussed hair and flushed cheeks, perfect for apres.

To be clear: I am NOT this person. I wear about 24 layers that make me look like the marshmallow man, my skis are typically in “pizza” mode, and my hair by EOD is matted and frazzle-dazzled.

I'm, generously, a green (beginner)-blue (intermediate) skier, and prefer to enjoy the sport in my comfort zone. But during this trip, I found myself on multiple hills where I was beyond my depth.

These mountains were much bigger than I’m used to, so there were multiple moments I panicked. About 8 of them, in fact. I’d be halfway down a run, needing to turn my skis down the mountain to make a turn and I’d just freeze. Looking down the steep hill, terrified, my inner dialogue would become downright chaotic: “I can’t do this…wtf…I’m going to take my skis off... no, no NO…HOW did I get here…”

Now, I could have blamed the weather (it was hailing, sleeting), the conditions (it was super icy and crowded), or everyone else (I can’t believe Sammy brought me here when he knows how terrible I am). I also could have judged myself (I run a *#$@ Mental Fitness company for gosh sakes). But every time, I took a deep breath, and then I reminded myself of 4 things:

The Stress Response is the first response: And it is not one that has to stay with me. When we’re stressed, we’re in our “fight, flight, or freeze mentality” with your brain unable to think clearly because your resources are preparing for a survival moment. In these moments, you need to find a way to calm yourself…so I did my deep breaths. Three times, every time. It’s something I practice with the small stuff, so I’m ready for (seemingly) big moments like these.
Confidence is not given, it’s earned: At MYNDY, we talk a lot about the psychologically repeatable concept of confidence as “the practice of believing in your ability to do a task.” Confidence, therefore, is not about being awesome, but believing you can take the next step to achieve a goal. In this case, make the turn facing down the mountain. There are 4 scientific ways to build confidence (we say you GROW it):

Go watch others: In this case, I was watching kids go down the mountain with pizza skis - “if they can do it, so can I”.
Role play: Practicing makes all of this helpful. No wonder I wasn’t feeling confident, I don’t get to practice much. Moving on…
Other people to pump you up: I had Sammy telling me that “I could do it…all I had to do was take it one turn at a time”, and then when I did it... he was so impressed. And I needed to hear that positive feedback (we all do, especially when doing scary things).
Warm up your emotions and your body: I count when I’m trying to do something hard. I said to myself, “I will turn in 3, 2, 1... GO.” If I was still frozen, I’d take a deep breath and say, “It’s okay Lissy… try again in 3, 2, 1.”

When in doubt, zoom out: Last week, we talked about hope. But this week, I want to highlight the notion that simply having faith, believing in the good, the luck, or even a higher power, is a powerful way to change your state and your way of being. I believed, in this case, that all would be okay. So next time you’re stuck, Zoom out, baby.
When you’re halfway through hell… keep going. When you’re having a hard time. It’s easy to want to quit. But it’s usually the back half of any challenge, heartache, or hard point that the real mental work kicks in. I kept saying to myself that this is where the good stuff happens! That’s why this is called the Skier’s Dilemma. Because each time during my hard moment…I was halfway down the hill, and didn’t have a real choice about where to go. But I did have a choice about how to handle it.

We have these moments in our life all the time: suboptimal presentations, conversations, projects, creations, dinners, mornings, evenings, weekends…We’re half-way through them and want to quit. Assume it has to stay terrible, but it does not my friends.

Mental Fitness isn’t about having it all figured out with a perfectly quiet mind. It’s also not about feeling good all the time. It’s also not about toxic positivity.

It’s about having the mental strength to “STOP” and understand where you’re at; “SLOW” or shift your perspective if your current mindset isn’t serving you; And “GO” … or make a move from a clearer perspective, even if you look like a panicked duck attempting to fly for the first time.

So next time you’re in a tough spot, remember to: